Sunday, February 2, 2014

Our New, uh, "Cat"

Last month we went to the pound to look at cats. We used to have two cats, but got rid of them because I had a perpetually stuffy nose. Now it's been a year and a half of having no cats in the house, and I still have a stuffy nose. I mean, it's all good--who needs two fully functioning nostrils to breath through anyway?--but since we figured cats weren't the culprit, we decided to check out kittens at the pound and possibly bring one home. 

Here's Blitzen, our new cat.

Yeah...you might have noticed a tiny bit of a technical problem. Like, I don't know, maybe the fact that Blitzen is a wee bit on the "doggish" side. 

I probably should have prefaced this post with the fact that I DON'T DO SMALL DOGS. In general I've always loved animals, but little wussy dogs with their constant yapping...NO THANKS. Chihuahuas are the worst. My parents and my grandparents both have chihuahuas, and those dogs yip every time they hear the smallest sound. You walk in the house, and it's a five-minute orchestra of ear-splitting yapping. Later you move to get out of your chair, and the yapping starts all over again. I think it's great to have a dog with some watch dog ability, but come on. Figure out what you're supposed to bark at and what's just everyday noise. Plus they growl and snap at my kids every time they get near. My kids are very sweet and gentle with animals, so it's annoying. I have no use for that. I get the whole "loyal dog" thing, but a truly loyal dog has enough brain cells to recognize that offspring of the owners are something to be protected, not attacked. 

So why the hell do we have a four-and-a-half pound pomeranian/CHIHUAHUA?

The answer would probably take me another two pages to write, so we'll just say it's your classic family-goes-to-pound-to-get-cat-but-falls-in-love-with-scrawny-pomchi-instead story. I will say that the pound gave us thirty days to try him out, informing us that at any time we could return him, no questions asked. 

It has now been thirty days, and there is no way this dog is going back to the pound. Because, well, he is a pure joy. Blitzen acts like a Labrador trapped in a small dog's body. He is always happy and loves everyone, even my preschool-aged nephew and niece. He's crate trained and sleeps so heavy at night that sometimes you think he's dead. He's quirky and weird, running laps around the house or jumping at shadows on the wall. But the best part? Unlike other small dogs, Blitzen very rarely barks. I thought this was because we had struck gold and found ourselves the least-annoying little dog in the world, but as it turns out, Blitzen is deaf. He doesn't bark because he can't hear anything to bark at.  



Do I still think that most little dogs are useless sissies? Sure. And do I shamefully laugh once in awhile when Clint pretends he's going to throw Blitzen into the wood chipper? Absolutely. But do I have a tiny bit more understanding of the bond between small-dog owners and their scrawny little fur babies? Well, I guess I have to say yes, I *sort of* get it. 

That's the most you're getting from me. Big dogs still rule.