Thursday, April 18, 2013

Tell Your Voices to Stop Talking about Me

Jodi told me I have to post something (guess I have been slacking). Well....fine then!

My week has been such...drudgery. I am studying for this stupid test, and it is so BORING. Seriously, I would rather stare at the spiderweb on my ceiling (damn, I really need to get rid of that) than study. I have been trying to stick to this 14 week study plan, but I fell off the wagon while my sister-in-law was staying with us.

Last weekend, I took "Practice Test C', and scored poorly. I was supposed to score at least a 125, and I only scored a 113. I sent my results to "PsychPrep" for feedback, with the hope that a 113 wasn't that bad. This is the response I got: "Many students with such a score rebound well on D. However, when students score below 115 on Practice Test C, we strongly recommend the weekend workshop home study program (9 CDs, over 175 on-line questions, PowerPoint handouts)....the investment of $325 is very worthwhile." So now what I'm asking myself is: Do I really need to buy this, or is PsychPrep just trying to make more $$$? Do you know how many new outfits I could buy with $325?!

Work continues to be...unpredictable. We have a new patient who (during group) sits rigidly in his chair with a fixed stare, and he holds his breath. The first few days, I didn't say anything about him holding his breath, because I wanted him to get acclimated to outpatient before I started confronting him. Now, when he holds his breath, I say, "Otis*, you're holding your breath again." He exhales loudly and GASPS, "No I'm not." Otis also pulls out his eyebrow hairs. Yesterday, Otis got into an argument with another patient (the one who thinks he was stung by a giant scorpion woman), so he plucked some of his eyebrow hairs out and flung them at Scorpion guy (Mr.Scorpion did not like this, and responded by threateningly showing Otis his gang tattoo).

One more thing about Otis: His auditory hallucinations talk about me. I know this makes me sound like I'M paranoid and should be admitted, but I KNOW that his voices are talking about me. When I'm running his group, Otis looks at me intently, then his gaze goes inward (you can tell he is responding to internal stimuli), and he starts smiling or giggling as his gaze lands on me again. I wonder what his voices are saying? Or do I even want to know? This is what I hope they are saying: "Wow, what a remarkable and clever therapist she is....we are learning SUCH FABULOUS coping strategies right now." Unfortunately, I don't think this is the case.

Sadly, Mr. Scorpion had to be admitted inpatient today. His ex attacked him last night in the form of a giant scorpion. He retaliated by hitting her with his"private parts" and then he felt a scorpion tail protruding from his chest. I feel SO bad for him, because this is so real to him. He hasn't had to go inpatient since September of last year,and he is in bad shape right now. I'm going to visit him over on Unit 3 tomorrow.

*Name has been changed

P.S.The Boston and Texas tragedies are greatly occupying my mind. I wrote this post, in part, to get my mind on something else for a while. I do wonder, however, how my friend Kristyn is handling the West, Texas tragedy (which is in her neck of the woods).

Hope all is well Kristyn.