Friday, July 29, 2011

Just Stick with the Weather

I have a feeling I'm going to be up late tonight, especially since it's a quarter 'til one and I'm still really wired.  I wish I could go dancing.  Yeah, that's a random little whimsical notion.  

My work recently gave me a new laptop, and this evening I was transferring some of my folders from my old laptop to my new one, when I suddenly came across the thread pasted below (last names eliminated, of course).  This appeared on facebook over a year ago, and for some reason I saved the entire thing in my "Personal Writing" folder.  I really don't know why.  Maybe I just thought it was an interesting debate.  But reading this conversation again did make me laugh a little.  Our poor unsuspecting friend asks one simple little question on her status, and somehow she gets caught in the crossfire of my and Shan's insanity.  I'm sure it's one big headache to try to talk to both of us at once...I don't know how anyone does it.    


Julie So... today is my supposed father's birthday. Should I call?
7 hours ago · Comment · Like

Jodi at 7:05pm July 10
Yes, you should. Life's too short and unpredictable to not talk to your dad, even a "supposed" dad who's probably an ass.

Shannon at 9:02pm July 10
No you shouldn't. You should not feel obligated to fulfill some kind of "good daughter" role just because he happened to be a sperm donor three decades ago.

Jodi at 10:21pm July 10
Do you sense the little angel and devil on each shoulder right now? I won't say which one is which. =)

Josh at 11:13pm July 10
If it were me I would call. Be an example.

Shannon at 12:39am July 11
A man earns his title "dad" by his unwavering commitment to his children. Otherwise, he is just the man who knocked up your mom. So why should the child have to pretend there is a father/daughter relationship that doesn't exist? Why should a child always feel uncertain about her role, instead of just accepting what is? Focus your energy on those who really have been there for you, instead of depleting your energy trying to fit into this preconceived father/daughter dyad that just isn't reality based. Well, unless he suddenly shows genuine remorse and suddenly becomes father of the year--then you can reassess the situation...(Sorry--I just feel adamant about this! And I feel that Jodi and Josh are hopelessly wrong!) =)

Jodi at 1:13am July 11
It's not about trying to fit into some stereotypical father/daughter relationship, it's about gifting yourself with a sense of closure. Right now your dad is still here, but someday he won't be, and when that happens, all of the things you wanted to say to him are just left hanging in the air. I didn't want to have to do this, but Shannon's argument is forcing me to pull out the big guns (oh, and by "big guns" I mean "corny song lyrics"):

"I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away...I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say...I think I caught his spirit later that same year...
I'm sure I heard his echo in my baby's new born tears...I just wish I could have told him in the living years….”

Jodi at 1:14am July 11
P.S. Isn't your dad's birthday over now? LOL

Shannon at 1:22am July 11
I am almost certain the term "closure" was invented by psychologists themselves to ensure that prospective clients would be in therapy for years to seek this so-called "closure." There is no such thing as closure, because life is not a movie with an ending, or a book with that amazing last chapter that ties up all the loose ends. There is only acceptance. Society tends to romanticize relationships that should exist, but don't. Just because a man (I am going to be blunt here) injects a woman with his sperm does not mean he automatically feels those paternal instincts, or even CARES. It is what it is, and the sooner the child/victim acknowledges that the non-relationship will never meet her expectations, and resigns herself to this, eliminating ALL expectations, the sooner that child/victim develops inner peace and reduces her anxiety surrounding the situation.

Shannon at 1:23am July 11
Jodi, are we even talking to Julie anymore, or are we just arguing with each other? LOL I am going to bed now, so don't write some brilliant reply back, 'cause I won't be responding, and it will appear as if you won this silly debate. Good night!

Jodi at 1:29am July 11
Well since Julie hasn't chimed in once to this conversation other than the initial prompt (and I'm pretty sure we scared Josh off as well), I think it's safe to say that we are just arguing with each other. And I will accept your going to bed as your resignation to my victory. =)

 Jodi at 1:32am July 11
Julie, next time you might want to simply ask about the weather...


  1. Your job gave you a laptop? I need a job that'll give me a laptop! Yeah, all that and that's what I'm remembering.

    I think, and no surprise, that I agree with Shannon on this one. I have no basis from personal experience, but I'm cynical enough to agree with what she's saying about a father being in your life. That said, I also agree with you at some points. My mom was estranged from her father for seven years when he passed away and because of that, there was no closure. So, it goes both ways.

  2. LOL, yes, my school district gave all of the teachers a new laptop (Apple MacBook) right at the beginning of summer to replace the older ones we had been using, but I'm just now playing around with mine and getting it set up. Laptops are mandatory because we do everything online. Even our attendance and grade books are online now.

    Reading this FB thread last night, it was clear to me that Shan won this debate hands-down. Her arguments were more grounded in logic, whereas mine were based more on feel-good (yet stereotypical) ideals. But what's interesting is Shan and I both do have a basis from personal experience on this one (our biological dad died in 2000), and yet our opinions about this topic could not be more polar opposite.

  3. Haha, reading this now is funny! But it also got me thinking about some stuff, and I am too tired to write it all down right now, but I don't necessarily agree with my own argument anymore...

  4. Wait--what? So now that I've conceded that you were "mostly" correct Shan, you're going to change your opinion? You are such a pain! Lol.

    Well, when you're more awake, you need to explain.

    My "updated" opinion regarding this debate is that everything you said about so-called "dads" is true. But...that doesn't change the fact that I perpetually feel cheated out of any sense of closure with our own dad. So I would definitely encourage ALL of the Julies of the world to pick up that proverbial phone and make that call. Say it NOW, before the choice to do so is ripped away from you. For better or worse, at least you get those unspoken words out of your system.

  5. So did Julie call her dad?

  6. There was never a follow-up status after that one, so I'm not sure if she ever called him. I don't think she did. I wish I had asked her back then, but I think her dad might be a sensitive topic for her, and I assumed if she wanted to talk about the topic any further, she'd bring it up.


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