Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Subconscious Gone Awry

I had a strange dream last night.  I know, such a shocker, right?  In the dream, Clint picked up the ringing phone and began talking to someone.  As the conversation progressed, he seemed to become more and more agitated.  He finally shoved the phone in my hand and walked away, angrily shaking his head.  I put the phone to my ear and discovered it was Clint's sister.  She told me in a cheery, sing-song voice that her and her husband had decided that evening that they were calling it quits.  I was absolutely shocked.  Not only are they such a solid couple, but she had just told me that morning that they were planning to relocate to South Carolina when her husband finished school (that part is true).  I tried to ask why, or how, everything suddenly fell apart, but she wouldn't give me any sound reasons.  She just kept laughing.  I finally got angry and yelled into the phone that divorce was nothing to take lightly.  I told her that I know she's trying to put a positive spin on it, but this was a very big deal, and she needed to take it more seriously.  After several moments of me unloading on her, I realized she was no longer on the line.  At some point, she had hung up on me. 

Shortly after, Clint's mom came by and gave me a giant hand-made card that was the color of Pepto Bismol.  She said it was a condolence card, and that the whole family was signing it for Clint's sister as a way of consoling her about her upcoming divorce.  I opened it wearily and, not knowing what to write, started to look through the card to see what everyone else had written.  And then I noticed a huge mistake: Nearly everyone had addressed their condolences to me instead of to Clint's sister.  Teri must have miscommunicated, because the whole family seemed to think I was the one getting a divorce.  But what was worse was, some of the passages I scanned seemed to indicate that they felt happy about my so-called decision, with messages such as "You'll be better off," and so on.  One of Clint's cousins wrote that ever since "the bracelet incident," she knew that our marriage was doomed.  I had no idea what incident she was referring to.  I was just thinking how awkward it was going to be for these...divorce cheerleaders, for lack of a better term, once they discovered that their pep-talks were addressed to the wrong person.  I immediately called Teri and told her about the mistake.  I told her that everyone seemed to think I was getting a divorce, and she would have to clear up this misunderstanding and get a new card.  But she didn't seem to think it was a big deal, and wanted to stick with the pink card. 

At that point, I woke up. I instantly felt relief that I had been dreaming, and that I didn't have to start making phone calls to tell everyone, Hey, I'm still happily married!

Yeah, I don't know where this stuff comes from.  I try to bully my brain every night into dreaming of something closer to this: 

But instead I get extended family cackling about some phony divorce.  I need to figure out a way to whip my subconscious into shape.