Friday, June 24, 2011

Cajun Sunblock

I went to the lake today with my sister.  It was a gorgeous day: bright blue sky, beautiful pine trees, the whole works.  After getting settled on the beach and sunblocking the kids, Shan asked me if I would spray her down with some of my sunblock.  I asked, "Are you sure?  It's SPF 50," thinking that she might want to get a little bit of color on those albino legs of hers.  But she insisted that she didn't care about a tan, so I coated her with sunblock.  Meanwhile, I misted tanning oil all over myself (which only has an SPF of 4), because I'm more shallow and not health-conscience when it comes to things like that.  I just want the tan.

A few hours later, as we were getting ready to leave, I noticed that Shan's arms and legs were sunburned as all get-out.  She was absolutely fried.  I, on the other hand, was sportin' a nice golden tan without the slightest trace of a sunburn.  How the hell did that happen?  She was wearing SPF 50.  I was wearing SPF 4.  

So just a quick word of caution: If you're looking for a reliable sunscreen, you might want to stay away from Banana Boat's Ultramist Spray-On Lotion. When they say "SPF 50", what they really mean is "Sun Penetration Factor 50 times worse than you'd expect." Or in layman's terms, "Scorched Pretty F***ing bad" (the 'b' is dropped for posterity).
I think next time we'll just slather Shan's legs with good ole' saturated beef fat.  Or maybe spray her down with some non-stick canola oil.  Maybe THAT will work out better for her than Banana Boat's cajun-style "sunscreen".


  1. LMAO at this post Jojo! Which is great, because I am in SO MUCH pain, so a little laughter is good right now! My legs, tummy, and feet are killing me! This is the worst sunburn I think I have EVER gotten. I think you must have had kerosene in that bottle. And all my kids are golden lil' California kids...why am I being punished?! What the heck did I do? Is this because I told you to blow off reading your Bible so you could write a book? I took that back though, right? In case I was ambiguous about it, READ your Bible. Every page of it. LOL

  2. Dying laughing Sho!! I think you were crystal-clear this time. Now if I could only get God to read these comments...

  3. I love the illustration. You are soooo talented!!!!

  4. I know, right? I put my heart and soul into that illustration. ;-) Okay, truth be told, I found it on Google. But it took talent to come up with that very complex search query: "scorched red stick figure yelling OW!"

  5. So are you suggesting she wasn't just lightly toasted? I hope she's feeling better by now. I go out in the sun for 10 minutes and I bake. I'm crazy pale, but I like to stay that way! :)

  6. I know I was being rather subtle in my post and really forced you to read between the lines there, but YEAH, she was QUITE toasted. Lol

    I remember you being very fair-skinned, but on the plus side, you'll be the one with youthful-looking skin in your sixties, and I'm going to be a shriveled, California raisin.

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