Monday, January 3, 2011

Diary of a Buffalo Resident

An oldie but goodie, dedicated to all those (such as my sis) who aren't necessarily as delighted by the snowfall as us desert folks are.  ;-)

Diary of a Buffalo Resident (found from http://www.bufftony.com/buffalo/diaryofabuffaloresident.html):

Dear Diary,

August 12 - Moved to our new home in Buffalo, New York. It is so beautiful here. It is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see everything covered with snow. God's County. I love it here.

October 4 - Buffalo is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful hills and spotted some deer. They are so graceful, certainly they are the most peaceful animal on earth. This must be Paradise. I love it here.

November 11 - Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

December 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I love Buffalo.

December 12 - More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I love it here.

December 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time! I'm exhausted from shoveling. Damn snowplow!

December 22 - More of that white crap fell again last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow man hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling this driveway. Jackass!

December 25 - White Christmas my busted ass! More friggin snow! If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I swear I'll castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt this friggin ice.

December 28 - More white crap last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for shoveling out the driveway every time "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars buried in a mountain of white crap. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the crap tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

January 1 - Happy Friggin New Year. The weatherman was wrong (again). We got 34 inches of the white crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the dumbass had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. After I told him I've broken 6 shovels already, shoveling all the crap he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his friggin head.

January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back, a friggin deer ran in front of the car and I hit the bastard. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those friggin beasts should all be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the friggin salt they keep dumping all over the road? My car looks like a piece of crap.

May 10 - Moved to California. I can't imagine why anyone in their right friggin mind would ever want to live in God forsaken Buffalo!!!