Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Good Fighting/Bad Fighting

Fighting in marriage is unavoidable, but most married couples who have been at it for awhile realize that there are both bad and good ways to "argue." So for those who are still a little hazy as to what constitutes "good" fighting versus "bad" fighting, here are a few examples to help illustrate.

Good fighting involves listening attentively to the feelings of your spouse. It involves using "I feel" statements to avoid putting your spouse on the defense, and...all that other good psychobabble stuff.

Okay, so now onto "bad" fighting. An inappropriate way to fight would be to immediately start railing your spouse with accusations and insults without listening to what he or she has to say. And if the wife is droning on and on incessantly, it would be bad for the husband to spray her in the face with the shower nozzle in order to get her to shut-up. This can have the effect of elevating the fight to a new level. Now, if you are a wife who is in this situation, you probably shouldn't retaliate by shooting your husband in the crotch with baby oil while he is wearing his nice karate uniform, knowing that he doesn't have time to change because his class starts in five minutes and hoping that he will look like he wet himself.

That would be a bad way to fight.

But if you are a husband who finds himself in this situation, you probably shouldn't exact your revenge by throwing your wife in the tub and spraying all over her nice clothes with the water nozzle, meanwhile battling her for the baby oil which is now being sprayed all over the room. It's also not particularly nice to make sure that the oil gets all over her hair.

And you definitely shouldn't do all of this in front of the kids, who are laughing hysterically that Mommy and Daddy are kicking each other's asses in the bath tub.

Again, this is a bad way to fight. Not to mention it floods your bathroom to the point that, three hours later, there is still a pond on your floor.

But, of course, all of this is just a hypothetical illustration to help you, the reader, avoid these types of displays in your own marriages. I'm glad that I, for one, am in a mature, adult relationship.


  1. "....and the tenth and final rule, if this is your first night and Clint & Jodi's house, you have to fight."

    Nice you two...nice. =)

    My favorite: Wife does something that upsets husband. Husband gets upset. Wife see's husbsand upset. Wife now upset, her reason for being upset: husband is upset. Put that in your algebra book and smoke it. =)

  2. Is it wrong that I'm laughing? So glad to hear that the above scenario could never happen to you! :P

  3. REAL mature, Jodi, truly! And Perry, I think husband being upset is a perfectly valid reason for wife to get upset. What's wrong with that? ;)

  4. "I come from a land down under..."

  5. Did you guys miss the part where I said that all of this was "hypothetical"?

    Oh well. *sigh*

  6. Hilarious, Jodi! Hypothetical, MY ass! You've not only taught me so much about good and bad fighting in marriage, but you have also reinforced the feeling that John and I boring. To think we just act like children:
    "No, YOU shutup!"
    "YOU shutup!"
    ...and on and on. =)

  7. Error correction - John and I ARE boring

    One more thing - What a blast for Trin and Elijah, one heck of a story for a lifetime!

  8. Haha Niecy--the word that comes to my mind when reflecting upon my kids is "traumatized"...but I like your take on it much better--let's go with yours. ;-)

    Your shut-up war has me laughing! If John is even a little bit like you, then both of you are FAR from boring.

  9. You guys are baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

    Thank you so much for the comment on my blog, btw - I was actually gonna drop by and ask how your reading this summer is going.

    Hope everything is going well!

  10. No problem, Ashok...thank you for all the advice you have given me. =) I did finally start a StumbleUpon account per your suggestion, and the novelty of it has been quite fun, although I know that I am not maximizing use of the site yet. Unfortunately I'm back to work next week, so my internet "playtime" will be reduced for awhile until I get back into the swing of things.

    My reading is going well! I finished "Pride & Prejudice" (which, as you know, I had a difficult time getting into), and am now taking a break from deep literature to read "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer.

    I hope everything is going good for you too, and thanks for dropping in again. ;-)

  11. I've been terrible about deep reading myself - just a few poems and I started an analysis of a Platonic dialogue and it got hard and I put it aside for a few weeks.

    I'm getting back to work now, though. I think.

  12. Great fight scene. I could see the whole thing unravel right before my eyes. Then I watched it again with myself in your shoes. I could totally see that happening.

    Another trick that you can use against him is to wait till he thinks you are really listening attentively to him. Then make some weird out of character face at him that totally interrupts his train of thought.

    Then run to the bathroom where you can commence more physical assaults on one another.

  13. Haha Kathy, I love it! It reminds me of that scene in "Kunfu Panda" where the tiger is trying to have a serious discussion, when suddenly Po's facial nerves get tweaked and he makes that insanely silly face at a completely inappropriate moment. That would definitely derail a fight pretty quick, LOL.

    Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment!


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