Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Blah with a Side of Blah

I have the perfect husband and a fairy tale life, yet here I am, depressed. What is my issue? I'm just sitting here with this gloom hanging over me, and I don't know why. To make matters worse, I'm still not sleeping at night. I know, I know; I've said these words so many times before that they have just about lost all meaning. But this insomnia has drastically impaired my quality of life these last few months, and I just feel this desperation to conquer whatever sleep-deprivation demon is tormenting me. I feel such anxiety every time I try to sleep, which makes no sense because I really have nothing drastic enough in my life right now to be anxious about. I'm just too damn spoiled. I've said this before, but I really need to go to a third world country where I can see first hand real problems, that way I can gain a little perspective and quit stressing out over whatever pitiful issues are keeping me up at night.

This is such a cliche, but I'm just so tired of being tired. I was a ball of energy last year--I miss that.


  1. Alot of my workday is spend at the homes of the elderly. On one side its a bit of a low point, if its just one man or one women i usually get pinned down into a conversation about benine topics. If its a couple i can see them inside, rich or poor, clean or messy, i get the sense they are sitting in the house watching each other slowly leaving life (i know, depressing right). I've come across very rarely an example of how'd I'd want to end up when I'm old(er). Mostly i get a heavy dose on pitfalls to avoid, the most important one being a better picture of time. So i used reverse engineering or working backwards.
    If thats the end game then how do I want to fill that time? Arguing with the wife becuase she dosnt keep the toaster as clean as i do? Resenting my job because I could make more if I did X or Y? Yea, those thing are going to happen but I know I can spent alot less time stewing about it just so i can look like it dosnt bother me.
    My depressions, anger lock-ups, etc. tend to be very draconian which finally took its toll on my physical body not long ago. I've been working being more flexable and realistic when i get upset, hurt, or depressed about something no matter how big or small the issue but we all know about old habits.
    Okay, so what right? Like anything else in life, if its really worth it then it wont come easy. I fight the urge to give the silent treatment, i fight the sadness by finding those unfinished projects, ideas, task that lay around everyones house and mind, I guess its my version of that saying "If you doing the same thing over and over, why would you expect the results to be different." There are good fights to undertake weither it be my Thursday Fight Club night or resisting the urge get out of a funk by finishing a drawing or building something.
    Of course I could be wrong. I only know everything when I have a beverage in my hand.

  2. I hope you can get some sleep soon, Jodi. I know how horrible it is to suffer insomnia. My husband is actually a terrible insomniac and has been since he was a teenager. He doesn't sleep much at all, and not at the right times, and he gets by but I can see it takes it toll on him. I'm worried that he's just going to drop from exhaustion, but he manages to keep going.

    The depression is something I have a lot of experience with, but not something I know how to tell you to remedy. I spend a lot of time fighting my inner demons, as it were, and I fail an awful lot. Man, I'm not being uplifting or helpful at all. Okay, I'm going.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  3. Jodi,
    I have felt depressed the last couple of days too. Sorry, I guess that doesn't help much. But misery loves company, right?

  4. Girls, we (women) are funny characters. We deal with all the hormonal stuff that can bring us down in an instant. Then, we suffer with menopause, which brings its own unique challenges. Don't forget pregnancy, which can make some woman crazy, I hear (I wouldn't know - never been). Don't forget that weather can change your mood and we had some beautiful sun for a few days, and then we were hit with cold and wind.

    You are correct, Jodi. You are extremely blessed with your beautiful family, your beauty and personality, and more. That doesn't mean you are not allowed to feel down sometimes, especially when you are dealing with insomnia. Maybe you should see a doctor about your trouble sleeping, just in case there's a reason for it that is out of your control. Like I said, occasional melancholy is allowed; what you want to be concerned with are prolonged periods of sadness. As we have all heard, "This, too, shall pass" or something like that.

  5. Thank you so much Ryan, Kristyn, and Niecy for your wonderful words of wisdom and advice. I read all of your comments twice and really felt uplifted afterwords.

    As far as you, Shan, thanks for your miserable company. LOL.

    But seriously, today was a much better day. Whatever I was going through yesterday, I seemed to have shaken it off.


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